8 Reasons Why People Deny Childhood Trauma and Its Results

Why do people think they had a good, normal childhood, or deny childhood trauma and its results altogether?

I often hear people say things like:

My childhood was normal. 

Yes, there were some good things and some bad things – but that's life.

My mother got sad, distant, or angry when I didn't perform well or acted badly, and my father sometimes hit me with a belt – but it was for my own good. All of this helped me to become a better person – and I'm thankful for it. 

Yes, sometimes I feel depressed, very lonely, or empty – but we all feel like that. 

My parents were strict, but they loved me and I turned out fine. 

Yes, some people experienced a lot of abuse growing up, but I was never traumatized, and I don't have any inner wounds.

I look at people, and I can very easily see the symptoms of childhood trauma. I see children being abused, and I see grownups with numerous inner wounds that resulted from being traumatized. It’s obvious to me. I see childhood trauma and its effects everywhere around me and all around the world. I see it today, and at any time in human history.

To me, people who deny it look like this:

My leg is severely bleeding, and I'm limping – I have a strong, healthy, fully-functioning leg.

Do you see all these bleeding people? They are completely fine.

Yes, I have been stabbed in the leg with a knife – but I deserved it, and it was for my own good.

Sure, if people say that their childhood was normal, i.e., like other peoples’, then they are right. However “normal” doesn’t mean normal, i.e., healthy and happy – it just means normal, i.e., the social norm.

But if objectively childhood trauma and its effects is such a common phenomenon, both today and historically, then why so many people deny it?

The fundamental reasons are:

1. Dissociative amnesia

Do you know people who don’t remember their childhood, or remember it very vaguely? People who can’t remember years, even decades of their lives?

When children experience severe and prolonged trauma, they often forget it if it feels that retaining this information in your consciousness is too dangerous. When you’re a child it’s often the case. Therefore traumatized children have no other choice but to dissociate. This means pushing your painful experiences into your unconsciousness.

These memories don’t come up consciously if you’re emotionally not ready for it. When people start to heal and grow stronger, they slowly begin to remember and process important – although sometimes very painful – information about their lives.

2. Ignorance and indifference

INDIFFERENCE
From Children Are the Victims of Adult Vices,
a group of sculptures by Mihail Chemiakin
Children don’t know what is abuse, neglect, abandonment, trauma, post-traumatic stress, mental health, healthy childhood, how a healthy human being looks like, and how a healthy relationship looks like. Children don’t have a point of reference, a comparison; they don’t understand their parents’ psycho-emotional history and the socioeconomic status of their environment. They only know what they have experienced and been taught.

For example, if the mother hits her child, the child doesn’t understand all the complex circumstances that led to it. (Often the mother doesn’t understand that too.) All the child knows is that their mother hit them and it hurts – and that they need their mother to survive. Therefore it’s extremely traumatic, and the circumstances that led to it don’t invalidate child’s reactions and emotions.

If the traumatized child grows up, and they haven’t explored their history and the topics of trauma and mental health, they will remain ignorant and indifferent. Sadly, the majority of people are ignorant and indifferent about it. A lot of them do EVERYTHING to remain ignorant – and many of them succeed – since exploring your past and people around you is extremely painful for them. More painful than nonliving.

So it’s not surprising that there is so much dysfunction around us, and that the understanding of mental health is so skewed.

3. Stockholm syndrome

Children who live in an unhealthy environment dissociate and bend reality so that they could survive. “My mother is bad to me. I need my mother to survive. I can’t survive if my mother is bad, and I can’t have another mother. Therefore my mother is good.”

Stockholm syndrome is a psychological phenomenon in which the victim empathizes with their abuser, justifies and defends them, or even feels pleasant feelings towards them (for example, think that there’s love between them). This unhealthy bond is seen between a child and their caregiver, a sexual abuse victim and their molester, in unhealthy romantic relationships or friendships, and in other kind of relationships where power disparity is present.

4. Dysfunctional rules / Imposed guilt, shame, and fear

Love your parents! Respect your elders! Listen to authority! Be nice/good [i.e., obedient]! Don't trust yourself, you don't know much! Don't ask questions! Don't talk back! Don't make mistakes! Don‘t feel this way! Get over it! Boys don't cry! Good girls always do what they are told!

If children are traumatized and not allowed to rationally judge their parents’ and other people’s behavior, they start to idealize them, blame themselves, and justify the abuse they suffer. This is the origins of chronic guilt, shame, self-blame, and self-doubt. Emotionally, this is very painful, therefore children (and later as adults) want to avoid this pain, get rid of it, or alleviate it. It’s easier to just say, “My childhood was normal,” and continue the dissociation process.

5. Inability to think rationally

Because most people have experienced significant trauma that is related to thinking and as adults haven’t learned how to think rationally, they don’t have the skills to do it properly. A lot of people don’t know how to objectively evaluate themselves (self-esteem issues), others (trust and poor judgment issues), and the world itself (lack of fundamental understanding of how the world works and various reality distortions). Such people not only lack understanding of what is true, but they don’t know HOW to figure out if something’s true or false.

Since such people lack the ability to think, their belief system, worldview, and daily judgments are for the most part based on their emotions they don’t understand, and not so much on a complex rational evaluation. If it feels good, then it’s true/good; if it feels unpleasant, then it’s false/bad. And afterwards a rationalization is made (since we can’t consciously say to ourselves that it’s true just because it feels good or just because I want it to be true).

Our culture is based on denial, insecurity, inconsistent rules, conformity, and appeal to emotion – not on truth, genuine empathy, consistent and universal principles, individuality, and appeal to reason.

6. Social fear

See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil
As children, in most cases people are just not allowed to talk about the abuse they have suffered. As adults, people avoid to acknowledge the trauma they have experienced and its results, because they are still afraid of other peoples’ reactions: of mockery, minimization, condemnation, laughter, incomprehension, justification of their abusers, attack, etc.

If Person A tells Person B that Person A had a painful childhood, and that he sees the results of child abuse all around them, Person B willingly or unwillingly has to think about his own childhood at least for a little while. It’s very likely that Person B also had a difficult childhood. Therefore for Person B to accept and validate Person A’s traumatic experience would mean – at least to some extent – to accept the painful truth about his own past, current relationships, and society. That would be extremely painful. It’s easier for Person B to act in such a way that Person A would stop talking, so that Person B could retain the fantasy called “I’m OK; everything’s fine.” He can achieve that by using denial, minimization, mockery, angry attack, distraction and other tactics mentioned in the previous paragraph.

Even though it’s true that we are adults now, it’s a different situation, we are not helpless children anymore, and we can speak the truth, but such social reactions for many people can still be very painful and re-traumatizing. [Toxic] people will shun or attack you for speaking about child abuse. Childhood trauma is still a taboo and “norm” in today’s society – and talking “bad,” i.e., the truth, about the people who had power over you (your teachers, priests, and especially family members) is not acceptable. So it’s understandable that even though some people acknowledge the truth on some level, they still might be afraid to talk about this topic openly.

7. Parental guilt

It’s even harder to look into the topic of childhood trauma if you already have your own children. In this case you’re not only dealing with all those complex challenges mentioned above, but there is an additional layer of difficulty: parental responsibility. If you have children before resolving your own personal history and healing your inner wounds, you’ll inevitably traumatize them (it doesn’t matter whether it happens deliberately or ignorantly and with the best of intentions – see Reason #2).

If you’re a parent, then this subject is extremely difficult to explore, because you’re not only processing your relationship with yourself, your parents, teachers, friends, romantic partners, society in general, but also with your child – a person that you’re responsible for. To understand that you have suffered decades of severe trauma and that you have numerous inner wounds is hard enough. But if you have your own child and you start to acknowledge the trauma they have suffered because of you, then this whole process is exceedingly difficult.

8. Lack of empathy

I have written about empathy in my previous articles called “Empathy And Laughing At Others’ Misery” and “The Cycle of Child Abuse and How to End It” therefore I won’t repeat myself here. But in short, empathy is probably one the most important factor in ending the cycle of child abuse and living a truly prosperous life. You can’t feel genuine empathy or sympathy towards others if you are emotionally detached from yourself and your child-self. And you can’t have genuine self-empathy or sympathize with yourself if you haven’t done a significant amount of self-work.

Conclusion

Probably there are more reasons why people deny childhood trauma and its effects, and, as you can see, they are interrelated.

The denial of childhood trauma links to fear/safety (“It’s not safe to think or talk about this and feel how I feel”), and to the dysfunction of one’s emotional and cognitive apparatus in general. This is an extremely painful sphere to explore, and doing so requires a lot of courage, mental capacity, strength, determination, patience, support, and other resources.

So, for those of you who are on this self-archeological journey, who are courageously trying to end the cycle of child abuse, heal, and prosper – I admire you! I know from experience how difficult it is; it can be very painful, sad, lonely, stressful, and sometimes seemingly hopeless experience, so I really admire your courage.

If you want, you can think of me as your ally – even if we have never met or interacted. And, of course, you are always welcome to leave a comment or contact me via any other medium.


Support my work by becoming a Patreon subscriber for $5/mo or more and get access to bonus articles. And check out my book Human Development and Trauma: How Childhood Shapes Us into Who We Are as Adults. Thanks!

Comments

  1. Thank you so much for your continued dedication to the exploration of self and history. Your blog posts are an important asset to me in my own journey of self knowledge, de-normalization and healing. Keep it going!

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  2. Excellent post Darius!! I love your comparisons!
    Hugs, Darlene

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  3. Damon, thanks for your appreciation and for letting me know that my work is useful to you -- it makes my work more enjoyable. Best of luck with your journey!

    Darlene, thank you! Greetings from Lithuania!

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  4. This is the most beautiful post I have read about denying childhood trauma. Now I feel relieved that I'm not a crazy and ungrateful person. Thank you for your post and I hope you will continue to inspire other damaged people (like me) to properly heal and become better persons and better parents in the future. =)

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  5. this is excellent, I've heard these phrases so many times when describing abuse

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  6. Great article. I'm the seventh of seven children. I'm trying to understand my past and write about it. I've asked my other siblings to help me fill in some of the blanks, and they don't remember much of our childhood. I've wondered why and now have found the answer. You are right, self discovery can be hard and painful work, but so worth it. Thank you.

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  7. Darius, I am part of a closed Facebook group for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. Most of our mothers are full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The minimizing you so accurately describe, both by ourselves and especially by others, is a constant source of triggering and re-traumatization.

    As with so many things, being able to explain the mechanism that allows people to feel comfortable defending our NPD mothers and shame us for being open about the often awful behaviors that we grew up with and which, in fact, never stop as we advance in age, is extremely valuable. I will post a link to this page for the group.

    We are almost 1,000 strong, and the support of the DONM community has allowed many of us to acknowledge our own trauma as we support others in their healing and growth. I appreciate that you do your work from Lithuania, and that your perspective validates the universality of the experience. Our members are from all continents, races, all religions, an astonishingly diverse ethnic mix, and aged from late teens to 60's and 70's. I am Danish born, but raised in California from the age of 5.

    We took a poll once, and among those who answered the question "did you choose to have children", about 50% of us did not. We ended the madness in the only way we knew how - by not passing it on.

    I, myself have had decades of therapy to try to cope with both my childhood trauma, and the ongoing emotional abuse from my NPD mother and ineffectual father. Two things have finally focused my healing, the discovery that my mother was NPD (she was a classic of the type) and also Pete Walker's work and writing on Complex PTSD. Focusing on C-PTSD is giving me tools to begin to live again, and I'm just about to turn 64. You are never too old to claim your life back!

    Thank you for your work!

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  8. thank you for this amazing article! This helps me a lot in discovering who I am, knowing I am not the guilty one.

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  9. I am in denial about my life, I try and brainwash myself im normal, cause people shame the hell out of me about my life, and treat me as if im damage and different.

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    1. Now that you have realised your condition by self diagnosis there is hope for you.YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO CLAIM YOUR LIFE.

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  10. Great article! It does get extremely stressful! I've been working at it for two years! Luckily I haven't affected any children of my own as I don't have them! But I have affected many friendships along the way of pushing people away when they get too close! My heart is opening and even though I've lost my family this last year even my siblings who is was parentified to bring up emotionally and physically I no I'm on the way to being able to like myself! Thanks for saying we have courage daily it still doesn't feel that way it feels like you've let your family down! And your disgusting for doing so! But that's just the old script isn't it! ;-)

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  11. It's the thought of destroying my own children that pushes me to figure out my past. To stop avoiding those painful memory pieces and actually dig, bringing up old questions to aunts and uncles while there's still time even though no one is excited about the conversations, pushing the subject when it's obviously hitting a tender and addressed spot, and just being as brutally honest and transparent as possible. My extended family comments hour brace and impressive I am, but really it's desperation. I'm desperate to see my own children grow up in a world that makes more sense, and REMEMBER it with a smile!
    I enjoyed your writings and intend to look up a few you mentioned in here. Thank you!

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  12. How do you know that your childhood was actually traumatizing and not just you being ungrateful for what you had...? What if your mom and/or dad just made a few mistakes, but tried their best.. How do you know?

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  13. It's interesting to read obituaries about large families. Often there are many children, now adult, but very few grandchildren. It must be that the parents of large families cannot cope and begin to treat the kids with anger and fatigue and indifference.

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  14. I just wish there was a way to erase my childhood memories and start fresh. The therapist didn't help and my husband sees medications as taboo.

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  15. I feel wrong in wanting to separate from my family because they are genuinely not malicious, just emotionally unsupportive. I have really failed to learn who I am, what excites me, and to thrive up until now and am stuck in a loop of social self isolation. I don't know what I want and change my mind often. Its strange because my grandparents love me a lot and unconditionally. But my mom and I struggle to have a good relationship. I feel like her mother and I am desperate to please her. She and my grandparents genuinely believe that they want me to be happy and thriving but somehow I've ended up in this mess. It feels like I can't be part of the family and still have my own life and yet cannot separate from them. Things feel like such a mess and there is a cultural and intergenerartional component as well. I feel lost and the worst part is that it seems I cannot trust my own mind and emotions

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    1. I don't know how but I can relate 90% except for, "I have really failed to learn who I am, what excites me, and to thrive up until now"and " I don't know what I want and change my mind often." I know what I want, and who I am. It's just the lack of emotional support of my family that prevent me from fulfilling the plan I have set for myself. It's the part that I can't separate from them even if I want to because I care for them so much. They are also genuinely good people with good morals. But like you said, they are emotionally unsupportive, which makes me feel that loneliness Darius talked about in his article.

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  16. Thank you for this article and explaining why my other siblings will just say “Get over it”

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  17. I want to remember. How can I do that?

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    1. That is a tricky one. There are many ways to access repressed memories of childhood pain and trauma (it doesn't even have to have been severe physical or sexual abuse, it can be even neglect or subtle but consistent emotional manipulation or enmeshment etc) Working with a therapist is good (stay away from psychiatrists, who will only try to label you and give you pills, Pills never heal, only hide what the true wound is). Hypnosis can help also. But, in my experience, the more you educate yourself on the topic, (i.e. reading books on Inner Child healing, on understanding childhood trauma, etc) , the more you arm yourself with the TOOLS necessary to be able to INTEGRATE and handle the painful memories, the more blocked memories will rise to the surface. It is not easy.. but if you lay the ground work first ( doing what I mentioned above), the repressed memories WILL start to bubble to the surface. Usually your psyche won't give you more than you can handle so you may remember one certain even from , say when you were 5, that really hits you hard emotionally to think about now.. and that may be all you remember for a whole year.. Your unconscious mind will know that your conscious mind will need a whole year just to integrate that one memory... Or, you could remember more things, more quickly, etc.. The more severe the childhood abuse was, the longer and more intense the healing journey will be but the journey IS the destination. If you keep telling yourself you want to remember, if you keep making a concerted effort to get to know your wounded Inner Child, he/she will come out, little by little. It's a beautiful thing, as hard as it is.. because it's like that child part of us is still stuck in our past, still stuck in the abuse. And when we, as adults have the courage to go back into all those things we tried so hard to forget, it is like we are walking through a forest on fire, determined to rescue that little child from the blaze and bring it back into the safe and present world we are in now so that it can live a happy life along with us. That is called Individuation, or Integration of the Psyche, or, Healing our Inner Child. <3 Don't give up! :)

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  18. I don't remember entire years of childhood. I don't think I want to. Honestly, if my brain shut it out then obviously it is a bad idea to try and remember those years. I don't want to remember personally. I know my childhood was terrible and I was severely physically, sexually and emotionally abused for all of it. I remember terrible things. I can't imagine how much worse the years that I can't remember are. What I do recall was a living nightmare. I can not immagion what terrible things I endured during the years my mind has decided to blocked out. The fact that I didn't die or have permanent physical damage is beyond me so I suppose I'm grateful I wasn't killed at least. It has been hard enough for me to cope and cone to terms with what I do remember. I don't think I could tolerate and keep my sanity if I had to uncover additional or worse memories from those forgotten years. Maybe some things are best left alone. My mind is obviously protecting me. Whats the point in bringing more pain into ones life? What is the point. I used to be obsessed with remembering and it bothered be a lot. I considered hypnotherapy. I've decided it's a bad idea. Couldn't it be better to not remember? Couldn't it be a blessing?

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  19. Thank you for such supportive, insightful and factual information. At 54, it was my 82 yr mother's death and physical assault from older siblings later that day, that jarred me out of Stockholm syndrome. I also lived through trauma bonding, and told it was 'love.' Now, 2.5 yrs later with continued inner awareness and lots of work, it's brought to my attention, I also have Aspergers. So many questions answered. I know I am one of the fortunate ones who wake up and go 100% nc, and begin living life free from outsider's lies, control and oppression. I am finally figuring out what parts need my loving attention and compassion and what parts need need new, safe experiences to rebuild my Whole Self, inside out. I was abandoned by my mother from the time of my birth up to the day she died and that entire time was told and shown it was my fault.... Now I know it was other people's unresolved trauma controlling them to hurt another. My brain, body, Spirit, heart and memories are all now in safety so I can address my needs effectively.

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  20. Excellent article and very on point. As an adult survivor of adverse childhood experiences I learned to heal from painful memories by eventually writing about my experiences and documenting how I learned to forgive my mother and heal from the painful memories that ultimately led to me being liberated from my unresolved childhood issues. The book is Conversations With The Little Girl Within, A Journey of Forgiveness, Healing and Liberation From Unresolved Childhood Issues.

    During the journey of writing my book I was amazed at how many people felt the topic was taboo and that I was committing a cardinal sin by openly discussing “our family secrets.” What was more interesting to me after the book was published were the comments I received that “it opened up old wounds” so many people were not ready to deal with. Mostly because of the social fear as you indicated in your article. Then there were those that felt the extreme physical abuse was normal because “that’s just how parents disciplined us did back then.” Then I learned later in life that my mother had her on unresolved childhood issues and projected them onto me.

    I’m currently working on a film project related to the book and am looking for people who want to contribute to the discussion about this important social and medical issue. It’s a medical concern because studies are now proving the physiological impact traumatic childhood experiences has on the adult’s well-being.

    Thank you so much for your dedication to this issue all the way in Lithuanian Darius.

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  21. Is opening up with your parents about this a good idea? if so, How can I? I don't truly trust anyone but myself.

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  22. This article helped me in many ways . I was raised with me sexual abuser my grandfather and had no idea anything ever happend . It wasnt until my niece was sexually abused by him that me and my sister found out the truth behind him. Even to this day i cant remeber most of my childhood even though i try . I still cant belive he would do anything like that but its true i am starting to remeber bits and picses of his abuse . What a sick world we live in

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  23. i can relate to your article & it is an excellent one. i grew up in a very dysfunctional family & i experienced many years of childhood emotional & psy trauma
    & abuse. i could no longer suppress the pain, etc., when at 24 i became severely depressed & was suicidal. since then, i have been on an a inner-healing journey & the journey is still not over with. my two sisters still live in denial about our childhood, but, i know that they both experienced abuse too, probably not the same as me, but, abuse nonetheless. in fact i have gone NO contact with my older sister, because, i will NO longer put up with her verbal & mental abuse to me. i forgave & forgave & forgave her & i can longer tolerate her off & on abuse towards me & just recently she triggered another severe deep childhood wound of mine, which lead me to finally realize that she is a narcissist (this is my educated conclusion) after reading a lot about Narcissism; i don't know if she has NPD, but, she has a lot of the traits & i believe she can never change unless she opens her heart to healing from God. i finally asserted myself with her, after 68 years & she now has turned her daughter against me too & my niece has become verbally abusive to me; so, now the cycle of abuse continues. but, i am STOPPING the cycle with me. i will NO longer tolerate any type of abuse from anybody in my family (or anybody else); if people are abusive to me either covertly or overtly, i am removing them from my life, NOT to punish them, but, to protect myself & to finally heal myself & find the love that i have always been looking for, like GOD does. it's sad: my mother & father abused me, then my older sister & now my niece. i PRAY for all of them (my parents are deceased), that GOD WILL HEAL THEM. many blessings to all the people here who have endured childhood trauma. may GOD bless you!!

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  24. If you can't remember what happened when you were in a room with you 2 brothers when you were younger you woke up your stomach currents S all you remember and when you have sex for the 1st Time when you're 16 you don't hurt you don't bleed you don't do anything you thought you were a Virgin

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  25. In the past year or so my mother has started hitting my youngest brother(only when he's being really disobedient) and it's really stressing me out but I'm always to afraid to talk back to her and then I just go feeling really guilty about it. Anyways, it has just got me thinking about how little I actually remember from when I was younger, I've read about some adults who say that they don't really remeber much but I'm still only 15 and I don't really remember much at all if not anything from when I was 10 and younger which I guess is kind of weird. It's been something me and my friends have joked about but ever since my mom started hitting my brother it has just kind of bothered me, like how do I know she didn't do that to me to when I was younger? Me and my mom have a lot of issues with our relationship because of things that have happened when I was a bit older but I just feel as though there might be more to it, like she has just always kind of annoyed me or kept me on my toes even tho we really love eachother and nothing is really wrong. I have another brother who is 6 and she never hits him because he kind of listens to her but what if she used to hit me or something when I was like 3(like my youngest brother) and I've just never thought of it because there were never really any signs? when she beats my youngest brother it's alwyas just a slap to the cheek and then he obays. I don't know why I've lost as much as 10 years tho because there were never any signs of childhood trauma except for maybe when my mom met my stepdad cause' he has a really bad temper but he has never struck me, I think.

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  26. Hey Darius, this was really a good read. Just today I found out, if someone asks me: "What are my good memories from childhood?" It takes a long time to really think of one good memory. Most of them are abusive which I faced from my parents, friends, teachers, family and girlfriend. They have etched their scar in my memories and whenever I remember my childhood, I remember only the bad ones. I surely have some good but as a child I was never happy as I am today. I reflect on my feelings and I know who did what kind of wrong to me. I told my parents that they were not the best parents out there, they were completely ignorant about it and started making excuses about how much of a struggle was for them to live in those times. I can understand it was not easy, life is difficult for most people, but they don't take responsibilities for what they have done. I had low self esteem, low confidence, I used to think my opinions doesn't matter and many such qualities of unhappy traits. I realized all this only when I moved to Germany for my studies away from all of those people. I practice self-compassion and kindness (to myself and to everyone), so I try to acknowledge my feelings as well as their's. I have forgiven most people who did wrong but I still get some degree of uncomfortable feelings when I am with them because somewhere subconsciously I know they did wrong. Well, that's my part of story. I hope everyone here finds strength to deal with such emotions and memories. It definitely takes courage to get yourself out of denial and point out to all the shit that was wrong.

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    1. I've never thought of this before. And now looking back at my own childhood. I can hardly remember it, let alone good memories. And I find myself just saying something that I can remember even if it held no real significance to me. I wish I had the power to point out all of the trauma in my childhood. I wasn't anything special but I just have a hard time remembering and even though I'm better than any other point in my life, it still ingrained within me and coming out in bad ways. Broken, but like you said, such is life.

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  27. What a marvelous article. I had therapy with a terrific therapist when I was young, and there were large blocks of time when I literally blanked out when she was talking. I have often thought how much better my life would have been if I'd been able to hear her words and integrate/absorb them, change and grow with them. But that ability was locked behind trauma. It has simply taken a lifetime to unlock those doors. And yes, it is terribly, terribly painful to explore. While I feel I lost many opportunities for happiness because I was not able to deal with these traumas when I was younger, I realize that there are levels of pain and grief that are overwhelming and cannot be forced to heal. Until the time comes when you're ready. For damaged people, that time may come late, because we keep up destructive patterns until we're ready to heal.

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  28. Hi! You have a great way of explaining things Darius. You are a beacon for many. Keep on doing it! In my own case I started doing yoga and meditation as a teenager which I still do to this day 50 years on and feel great. Today I know who I am and feel free and content with my life but it has taken many years to get there with intense daily introspection. I can just say this about parents (and anyone else for that matters): You can't get what they haven't got! God bless!

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