Showing posts from June, 2013

Forgiveness And Pseudo-Forgiveness

There’s this very common misconception that such emotional states as forgiveness, love, and respect (or emotions in general) depend on one’s wish and willpower, not on other person’s actions or various environmental factors. Often people believe that they can feel forgiveness, love, or respect just by using enough mental effort. However, the truth is that it depends not on the person who feels or doesn’t feel forgiveness, love, or respect, but on OTHER people’s actions. And sometimes the guilty party even blames the aggrieved party for “failing to forgive” them. “What more should I do?!“, “I said I’m sorry!” and so on. Or they minimize the harm and aggrieved party’s emotions: “It was just a joke!“, “It‘s not that serious,” or “Let’s just forget what happened and move on.” Or they make it about them: “Why are you punishing me?!” What is harm? Harm is a physical, psychological and emotional damage that has been done by someone to someone. Physical harm very often is accompanied by e