Showing posts from 2020

5 Reasons Why People Stay Silent About Being Abused

There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares. — Richelle E. Goodrich Peoples definition of abuse varies, but all of us have experienced abuse at one point or another. For example, bullying, physical attacks, intimidation, neglect, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, ganging up, triangulation, character assassination, etc., are all common and typical forms of abuse. People experience abuse in their relationships with their parents, siblings, other family members, teachers, peers, classmates, coworkers, friends, acquaintances, romantic partners, neighbors—anybody, really. Many people listening to victims wonder, “If it was so bad, then why didn’t you say something?” Or, “If it actually happened, you wouldn’t have stayed silent for so long.” The truth is, however, that many people hide their abusive experiences from others. In this article we will explore the reasons why people stay silent and hi

The Value of Patience and Self-Empathy in Therapy

Many of those who start therapy know or soon realize that it’s a long, slow, and difficult process. Even knowing that, people still sometimes feel frustrated. This is understandable: we all want for our problems to end as soon as possible, especially if those problems are so heavy, blurry, draining, and have been present for decades. Therapeutic Expectations and Challenges A unique thing about therapy is that there is no clear end point. To a degree, self-work involves healing from trauma , growing, and maintaining your mental health, and your well-being in general. And this, naturally, last all our lives. Self-work is an ongoing process. However, therapy can—and need to—have goals. In my work with clients, in the first session I ask what their expectations are and how they will know that we have made progress, so that the person would have some sort of point of reference, even if it’s very broad. It is interesting to note that a person’s expectations sometimes are a part of

Deciphering a Comment That Justifies Child Abuse and Dehumanization

Recently on the Self-Archeology Facebook page , I posted a flowchart explaining why physical punishment is not a good method for childrearing. You can find it HERE . To summarize, if the child is old enough to understand reason, use reason; if they are not, they won't understand why you're initiating violence against them. Conclusion: don't initiate violence against children. It seems simple, right? And although most reactions to posts like this are positive, there are always people who get upset and start justifying child abuse. Of course, they don't see nor present it as child abuse, but it doesn't change the fact that it is. So let's look at it... Comment [I hid it on the page because justifying abuse is despicable and not allowed, and I'll keep the author's name anonymous]:  Idiotic. Abuse is intolerable but a short sharp shock stays in a child's memory and it will learn to stay safe and learn to be a member of acceptable society. A

Healing Trauma: To Forget or to Remember?

The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body, and although we can repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated, and conceptions confused, and our body tricked with medication. But someday our body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child, who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth. — Alice Miller There are two main approaches to healing psychological and emotional trauma. Forgetting The first approach to trauma is  “ forgetting ”  it. Fundamentally, this means denying and ignoring the cause of your inner pain and the root of your fundamental problems. This is something that is frequently advocated by most people, including many professional helpers like psychotherapists, coaches, psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, counselors, and so on. Since trauma and its consequences are complex and complicated, mos