SELF-ARCHEOLOGY

In my personal and professional life, I have met and observed many people who are desperately trying to get approval and acceptance from others, never feeling enough, and being terrified of many forms of social rejection.  For many, hurt and invalidation starts very early and routinely continues throughout their life in one form or another. As a result, so many people learn that a sense of self-esteem and self-worth fundamentally comes not from within but from others, therefore they constantly seek other’s people’s approval or attention.  The Mechanism Behind It When you are a small child whose whole existence and well-being depends on others, it is vital not to feel rejected because for a child rejection equals existential death. And since as children we are constantly hurt and rejected in many overt and highly subtle ways, a lot of us grow up into wounded and self-less adults whose self-perception is skewed or blurry, to the degree to which we haven’t resolved it. If we neve...

Validation for Healing and Personal Growth People who have been abused, mistreated, hurt, or wronged in any other way almost universally seek validation. We talk to others, tell our stories, write about it, and express it in other ways.  Even perpetrators do it because, in their mind, they are the ones being wronged even though they are the ones harming others—but that’s a separate topic. Here, we will only talk about people who were actually wronged and who tend to avoid scenarios that resemble how a perpetrator seeks validation or actually receives enabling.  Everyone in their own mind wants to make sense out of their painful experiences and be validated that they are right. A commonly used way is to talk about it with others. The most productive scenario is probably to seek professional help, assuming that you can find a competent enough helper, be it a therapist, life coach, counselor, social worker, etc. But, depending on the situation, sometimes friends, family, or even ...