Tools for Self-Archeology

The process of self-archeology might be slow, hard, and sometimes exhausting and emotionally unpleasant. However, the results are invaluable!

In the same way that going on an archeological expedition requires special tools and equipment, going on a self-archeological expedition requires special tools.

Here I'll present several simple, but effective methods that might help you more effectively know yourself better, build a closer relationship with yourself, heal, and grow. [NOTE: I've decided to present these tools briefly here, and describe them in more detail in future posts, or in a book.]

So, what are these self-archeology tools, and why are they important?

Journaling. Journaling is probably the most effective tool of self-knowledge, self-monitoring, and self-analysis; and it often relates closely to other self-archeology tools. We can write about everything – including our emotions, states, needs, experiences, thoughts, theories, plans, dreams, fears, inner conflicts, irrational behavior, childhood, adolescence, daily life, family history, past relationships, traumas, interactions with people, memories, and anything else that’s inside of us and a part of us.

Identifying our's personal core virtues and values, and living in accordance to them. We can take a clear inventory of our virtues and values to use as a compass when we're lost.

Having an objective methodology for evaluating what's true and what’s false (in all areas of life). We ask fundamental questions, including: "What is truth?" "Is this true?" "How do we know whether something's true or false?" "What is good, and why?" and "What is evil, and why?" The disciplines that might help us find answers to these and similar questions are logic and (empirical) science – or, in combination, philosophy.

Developing awareness. We can understand and monitor what’s going on and why, how we are feeling and why, and how we are behaving and why. Awareness helps us to live a more conscious life.

Taking responsibility for our life. We understand that only we ourselves are responsible for our life and well-being – nobody else – and that our actions have consequences, and we are responsible for those, too. This helps us to realize that our actions are meaningful and impactful, and allows us to live healthier and more effective lives.

Learning conflict resolution and effective communication. Sadly, many people (for various reasons) don't know how to handle or avoid conflicts, or how to communicate effectively. It is a good investment to learn how to listen attentively, how to express ourselves soundly and clearly, how to avoid or resolve conflicts, how to have rational discussion, how to have healthy interpersonal boundaries, how to negotiate, and so on.

Consulting with a good specialist (therapist, consultant, etc.). An empathetic, competent, and wise specialist can help us to make our self-archeological expedition much easier. Sometimes our life might be a very hard, lonely, confusing, or frightening; therefore, a safe and growth-provoking space, provided by a competent specialist, can help us significantly.

Pursuing self-education. Reading, watching videos, listening to podcasts, writing, learning from wise people – all of this is very important because it helps us heal, grow, and improve both intellectually and emotionally.

Analyzing dreams. Dreams are the treasury of our psyche. We can learn A LOT about ourselves if we take time to analyze and understand our dreams.

Analyzing art. This process is somewhat similar to dream analysis, since art often uses indirect, metaphorical, symbolic communication. This process, like dream analysis, can be very useful and help us to understand ourselves better.

Exercising and eating a healthy diet. Our body is the place where our mind lives. If we want a healthy mind, it's wise and biologically required to remember to take good care of the whole body.

Pursuing meaningful and enjoyable activity. Boredom and emptiness are dangerous and tiring. It's very important to perform pleasant and meaningful activity (or various activities). This means that we learn and understand what's important and enjoyable to us in life – what career to have, what job to take, how to spend our leisure time, etc.

Breaking addictions and bad habits. Addiction occurs when we ignore, don't understand, or can't meet our true, deeper needs, and we soothe ourselves with various substances or activities to relieve our anxiety. We seek to acknowledge our addictions, understand them and the true needs behind them, and then let go of them (if possible). Addiction takes a lot of forms, involving excessive dependency on things like drugs, various substances, sex, relationships, power, gambling, sports, work, internet, shopping, music, masturbation, TV, video games, food, etc.

Noticing basic needs and having a healthy routine. We should remember to eat, drink, and get enough sleep, and acknowledge our tiredness and physical pain, and create small, daily goals and healthy habits. Those things help us to feel more in control and have more structure in life.

Relaxing or meditating. It's important to find time and a quiet place where you can be with yourself in serenity for a while, and relax emotionally and physically.

Achieving financial safety and responsibility. For obvious reasons, it's wise and useful to take care of ourselves financially, to be financially safe and knowledgeable, and to handle money responsibly.

Simplifying our life. Sometimes it's useful to minimize our legal and financial responsibilities, our debts and expenses, perhaps move into a cheaper apartment, sell stuff, etc. – at the cost of a more comfortable lifestyle. This can reduce stress and provide more safety in more important areas of our life.

Finding allies and supporters. Having like-minded people in our life might make our self-archeological journey A LOT easier, not so lonely, and more interesting.

Socializing. Of course, it's very useful and interesting to socialize with people who share the same virtues and values as we do. But sometimes it can be helpful to socialize in general (even on a superficial level) and try to build a network of acquaintances, and to meet new people. This is also a good way to find new allies and supporters.

Withdrawing from interacting with aggressive and toxic people. It's useful to socialize; however, it's unhealthy and harmful to socialize with people who are abusive in any way, who try to undermine you, manipulate you, guilt trip you, blame you for everything, exploit you, and so on – be it your partner, your family member, or your friend "friend."

Having no children for a while (if you don't have any yet). A child, let alone more than one, requires A LOT of responsibility, time, money, emotional strength and maturity, knowledge, patience, and other resources. Not many people have all of these. Also, if we haven’t consciously processed our own childhood traumas, history, and past relationships, and we don’t have a strong bond with ourselves, we will project and act out our unresolved inner conflicts and traumas on our child – consciously or (most likely) unconsciously. This will inevitably traumatize him or her, in the same way that we were traumatized in the past. It's wiser to get our own life intact first, and only then to think about having children.

Changing ourselves rather than others. Compulsively trying to change and control others is not very healthy – and essentially, it's a form of Sisyphus work. If we are unhappy, it's wiser and more effective to concentrate on ourselves, not on others. Most of today's problems – and our true, authentic happiness – come from the inside, not from the outside. It's wiser to concentrate on ourselves and try to change our own life, instead of trying to change others’.

Cultivating a wider perspective. Overall, life is a very complex phenomenon, and sometimes it's useful to look at it from a larger perspective – so that today's problems might seem not so tough, and perhaps on some level even fun.

Having fun. It's important to remember to thank ourselves regularly, to look at all the good things in our present life, to regularly have something to wait for, and to do something fun – read a book, listen to music, sing, laugh, go for a nice walk, travel, daydream, play, and feel the beauty of life.

Addendum. Keep in mind the following possible effects of these tools, if applied:

1) They might produce some (or a lot of) unpleasant emotions – after all, emotional and intellectual growth and healing are (in a way) painful.

2) They might have exceptions – everyone's life is unique.

3) They might comprehensively facilitate the processes of healing, growing, self-nurturing, and maturing – i.e., the processes of self-archeology.

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